we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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