I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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