He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
