I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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