I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
