It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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