Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
