I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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