the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
