now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
