Rock
Scissors
Fuck
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
