How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
