Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize