I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
