This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
