I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
