just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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