I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
