p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
