Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
