I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
