you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
