I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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