That's when you crack a 10am beer
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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