I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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