I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
