Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
