I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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