Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
