It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
