my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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