I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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