lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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