Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
