More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
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Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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