I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
