She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
