Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Shitshow foam night was such a success
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm like, not good at living.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
