I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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