sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
