with your own penis?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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