We named our party play list daddy issues
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
