After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
