saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
