Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Less talking, more tequila
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
