i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
