I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
