as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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