The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She said her name was "party"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Randomize
