He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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