it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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