Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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