I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
