If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
