fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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