Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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