So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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