Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
