i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
