It's like a parade of train wrecks.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
