i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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