Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Mom said you looked used
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
