does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
