Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
