We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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