Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
