I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
