so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
