My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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