Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
